Reluctant reinvigoration

I have to admit that I'd been pretty down on the idea of pursuing a career in academic science of late. I'm almost two years into my postdoc without so much as a manuscript in sight. One of my key experiments, which takes at least a month to conduct, had failed four out of five times due to equipment breakdown. I'd developed an ulcer. I'd been spending less time at the bench, putting more time into volunteering for my local Postdoc Association and other more immediately gratifying activities.

Fortunately, I was forced to do two things this week that initially didn't strike me as fun. Yesterday I had to write and submit an abstract on one of my projects and a statement about my research interests for an upcoming meeting. And once that was done, I had to reread the background material for one of the aims of my other project in order to present a journal article for my PI's class. I was so depressed about my science and my chances of ever getting results/a paper/a job that I naturally put both tasks off until the last minute.

But you know what? Both experiences helped enormously. First, of course, I LIKE writing (hence this blog), and it felt good just to put words together in a satisfying way and for a useful purpose (plus, unlike this blog, the abstract will almost certainly get read and result in feedback). And more importantly, articulating my long term scientific interests and reminding myself of just how nicely my current projects serve those interests really rekindled my enthusiasm for them.

This still doesn't mean that I'll master my system, work out the bugs in our equipment, and get data worth publishing in a timely manner. But I've regained my faith that if I do, the results will be interesting and important and will lead to even more interesting and important things - more than enough on which to build a career. I think I really did pick the right lab for my postdoctoral work. Now if I can just manage to take greater advantage of it...